Well, an interesting weekend, that’s for sure, and here is a breakdown of the most important story in F1 over the weekend:
Firstly, let’s dicsuss the boy’s from McLaren. McLaren this year, in a break from tradition did not design a car for 2013, but instead decided to start the year with a pile of unconnected metal, carbon fibre and rubber. This was unexpected to almost all of the paddock, with one commentator suggesting that as McLaren was probably the quickest car last year, it was unexpected for the team to arrive with just some bit’s; instead of an actual car. We managed to get some quotes from McLaren insiders:
“This pile of STUFF, although, obviously not as quick as last years car, offers us a unique opportunity to develop throughout the whole year, rather than reaching a development plateau.” said an anonymous Team Principal.
“Although, we weren’t very competitive with this pile of JUNK, I was able to make up several places, and was only just outside of the points.” said an excited 15 year old driver.
” I was able to hold onto ninth place, only because I was able to be really wide on track.” Said the elder McLaren driver and although this blog has not seen the relevant footage, it is believed that this was achieved by simply building a wall across the track with the pile of SHIT that McLaren brought to this race, instead of trying to use it as a race car.
Battle of the team mates!
In part one of our ongoing feature, we examine how some of the drivers stack up against their team mates:
Red Bull Racing. – Again, Vettel was the favoured son, but Mark Webber did himself no favours, as the antipodean wonder once again managed to find reverse gear on the starting line. Despite this, Webber is awarded team mate winner because of the fact that he is a decent and enjoyable human being, and not simply Unbeatable Deutschland Driving Robot v.2.0
Lotus. – Although Kimi Raikkonen won the race, and was, according to some commentators: “Great.” we have given Romain Grosjean our winner award as Kimi failed to live up to our expectations, with very few moments of hilarious uninterested comments when compared to normal. If Kimi is going to threaten for the title this year he must do better.
McLaren. – The team who are our feature team this week failed to produce a car for this race, as mentioned above, and as such could not have had any ‘drivers’. Sad.
Returning to our main story before signing off, we asked for comments up and down the Paddock about McLaren, including how has this happened, and what needs to happen to get them back on track?
Martin Brundle (F1 commentator): “Well, I’ve drove these cars, and I’ve commentated on them for many years, and I have to say that, ooh, look, a celebrity on the grid. Excuse me a second….”
Lewis Hamilton (Ex-McLaren Employee): “Well, a lot of people said I was crazy to leave McLaren this year, but after seeing their performance we have to…” unfortunately we did not catch the last of Lewis’ statement, as he burst out laughing, and we weren’t able to get any sense out of him for some time.
Max Chilton (British Pay Driver): “Daddy. McLaren were still faster than me. I want one, I want one, I want one.”
Ayrton Senna (Deceased racing driver)(speaking to our very own medium): “They (McLaren) qualified in 1:30:357?? In ’91, I qualified in a McLaren in a 1:14:041, what is happening to this sport?”
To sign off we asked Bernie (Ecclestone) to provide us with a thought for the day:
R.I.P ‘Ginny Williams.